I am a music enthusiast through and through.
At night there's concerts and more concerts, venue after venue filled with sweaty people beating the life out of one another - and bearing shit eating grins at that.
All the money I make is being put into music, be it rare vinyl, merch purchases or , most importantly, live shows.
Being part of a sweating, singing crowd makes me feel more alive than anything else out there.
Along with frequent concert going comes endless travels, which means putting more money out there for train tickets and cheap ass hotels.
This is what I work for, how I spend my days off work, this is all I think about.
As a teenager, music was my ultimate release valve (as it is for most kids?). A band's worth was estimated by its live energy, passion and commitment.
I have seen tons of "bigger" bands fail to deliver the right live feel, and have often been surprised by young, angry, unafraid kids torturing their instruments.
Coming from a Punkrock / Hardcore background, one of the most surprising concert experiences to date is Less than Jake , of all bands.
Well, live and learn, sometimes the "tamest" music in your collection makes for the most memorable concert experience. But I digress ...
Over roughly a decade, I have followed friends' bands, helped out at merch booths,tried to organize concerts, hung out at rehearsal spaces and folded a billion CD booklets no one bought after all ....
And still, I don't feel like I am part of a healthy "scene". I would ditch my job immediately if I could be on the road forever, selling shirts, eating leftovers and sleeping on dirty floor mats. Seriously.
So far, life hasn't given me the opportunity to jump on the literal band wagon and live on the road for more than a couple weeks.
And all of a sudden, BAMMMM, you're 25, all your friends end their bands and settle down. Boo !
Most people would call me a pretty rational individual, but right now I feel like an excited teenage kid waiting to go on the road, I am still as passionate about this as I have been 10 odd years ago.
And that's when everyone around me opts for a family, a house they will never pay off and that crappy van that goes so well with the kid's football practice.
What happened? I feel like a creepy grandma clinging to what's left of her youthful spirit. I am only 25 and all the good times end already? Boo, I say !
I am not a musician. Somehow I found my "destination" to be at the receiving end of music culture.
Determined to be more than a leech living off a band's good vibe, I attended more gigs than ballet classes.
As a teenage girl, being surrounded by mostly guys, I always dreaded to be branded as a fangirl.
You know, those screaming, fainting hysterics? Not me. Not what I intended to be. Crushes on drummers? Not me.
I made "not being that type of girl" an art and avoided talking to bands when I was younger - because, heaven forbid, someone might think I LIKE those dudes in that band.
Unlike all of my (male) friends, I never asked for autographs, never thanked a band for their show, and never hung out at their merch booths.
Haha, what a shitload of effort just to be perceived a certain way.
Over the years, I definately got to enjoy communicating to bands, as their view on passion and dedication fascinates me beyond rational explanation.
Sorry, so I lost track of my original intention (this being a blog on passion) and started rambling.
Usually, I would edit this thing until everything fits properly, but let's say "fuck it" this time.
Just for once, this is more of a diary entry than a well thought out rambling disguised as guidance.
Where am I getting with this?
1.) Music is my engine, my passion, it gives me energy and helps me communicate and understand deep emotional stirrings.
2.) Live shows and crowds fill me with a sense of belonging and sharing I won't find anywhere else.
3.) Going to shows on my own makes me more open to meet strangers. And talk to bands, the formerly dreaded act of outing yourself as a FAN. Or supporter, that's what I'd rather like to call it.
4.) If you are in a band that just keeps keeping on despite all the hardships, thank you. Thank you.We will cross paths eventually.
5.) For the future, expect gig reviews with a twist... hopefully. And anecdotes from being on the road, not being fan girlish (haha), spending all your money on pritty pritty shirts and LP's ...
And more ramblings. Lots of ramblings.